So I am not sure that I convey myself accurately here, though I do give my thoughts in truth, I don't know if my thoughts are who I am, the way I think is surely a very large part of me, but by changing my actions from what I used to do I realize that people that know me now don't think of me as the people that knew me before... on the surface,
but people who knew how I thought, they still know how I think, cause I didn't change that.
Did anyone even know?...I have never shared my thoughts freely without guarding a stray jab.

I who boasted my self-control, have no passion and no motive, no clear path or way, I only know where I will not go, where I shouldn't have gone, and why I no longer speak in clarity.
It's true I hope to find a wife and have good relationships with the people around me, but these things I work for they don't guide my steps in what work I should choose, they only keep me from drawing meaningless conclusions and striking out at those who would be there.
If I kept all my thoughts and never shared a one, would that help people understand who I am better then they think they know now? , would expressing all of myself just cloud there minds to being unable to understand? , would I keep myself from everyone just to die unknown?
would I share myself with everyone so all would know me? , is it fair that I choose who I share with? or should I let others provide me with to whom I should share?

the way I Serve, the way I Dream, the way I Observe, the way I Teach, the way I Learn, the way I Keep, the way I Listen, the way I Seek, the way I Survive, and the way I Lead.

I follow each path that keeps me free flowing in one direction, yet I can only look forward and remember the past as I live today. Dreams die quickly and I can only learn what is in front of me, but I can keep seeking another way to survive. I don't want anyone following me because I am not who I strive to be. Though I serve in earnest I can't begin to imagine the WHOLE TRUE ME.